Is this a good beginning to a creative writing competition?

Question by Lola: Is this a good beginning to a creative writing competition?
I’m 14 and need to write an 1000 word creative writing story. After ages of thinking about it I’ve decided to write about someone who has just died. I won the competition last year and would like to win again…:D this is the beginning what do you think about it?
I can remember. I can hear it all in my head, every last whisper, I can feel everything I touched and grabbed, I can feel every person who ever touched

Creative writing …

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